Brain knows! but heart doesn't care...

Dreaming about everything,

At nothing I stare,

Falling for someone might hurt,

Brain knows but the heart doesn't care,

That connection, that spark,

The way I felt that day,

Knowing no limits, to feel it forever,

I can give anything away,

Not knowing if it was mutual,

I am scared to go through it again,

But what if this was going to be it?

Maybe, it is worth a pain!

Is there any future? Shall I keep hope?

Unsure about it all,

Sometimes I begin to wonder,

Is there anything at all?

Paying no heed to logic,

I decide, my heart I will lend,

If it breaks or is hurt,

I believe, god will help me to mend!

But I will never ever give up

Growing up makes us experience many things of which we have only heard of till date. Be it good or bad, like there comes a first time when you actually feel the satisfaction in forgiving others, or the first time when you actually get hurt by someone. First time when you really get to know what 'tension' is. I have learnt that happy things give you joy and you never question them and difficult things give you the strength but you never see it. Come what may, you will never win without trying. So, I believe whatever happen's one should never give up. The picture (taken from internet)

Never ever give up 

Life is not easy, I know,

and neither is it impossible;

but arduous things happen,

& I'm not always capable;

Sometimes alone and unaware,

whom to turn to and where to go;

wish there was somebody who understood,

who never let me feel low;

People are always there around

but not sure if they will be there for me;

may be they will be, yet the situation

makes their care invisible for me to see;

Still, I'll never ever give it up against the situation

letting time heal things and believing in rays of hope;

with all the situations coming my way,

gathering all strength I'll always try to cope. 

Mumbai (aka Bombay)..... THE city

Started Mumbai.... the city of dreams... the city that never sleeps... the city that never stops. People store the memories of their first visit to Mumbai and how the city treated them. Was just reading something by someone in which Mumbai was appreciated from various angles and then, I started thinking about it too... and mumbai definitely deserves a thought. I stay in Pune and yet haven't been to Mumbai many times... just two or three. The best trip was when I had my BITS entrance exam in Mumbai and here I give Mumbai its credit - 

The road that leads from Pune to Mumbai is express way and you don't need more than two hours to reach. I was about 17th and heard a lot about the city... even imagined a lot. Last time I was there was when I was Nine. The month was June. The climate was hot, humid and it rainy. The moment we entered Mumbai, my mind told me - look this is the place where all the celebrities stay, all successful people like Mr. Dhirubai Ambani live there life, the city where most of the success stories are written. It felt as if the desire of success, dreams, ambitions, passion and excitement was in the air. So many people with so many different things to do.   The one who steps in the city cannot go back as the same person but automatically learn something, achieve or for that matter loose something. It gave me the feeling that the success is among us. The people who are treated as VIPs are right here and are from us. We can be one too. It gave me tremendous of confidence and motivation for I think everything in life. I was very surprised about the feeling I got by just being in Mumbai. I knew it was gonna feel something because I was going to make myself feel the city but this was totally different. I felt the city in its own way, not the way I imagined. The city totally outsmarted me!! All this I got from the two-three hours I spent in Mumbai as the rest of the day was exam. I really wonder how it will be like to be in Mumbai for few days and experience the daily life of different people there. I want to stay in Mumbai as Mumbaikar for once in my life. I don't have any thing more to write about it right now but 'm sure that I'll have many more things then. I am eager to learn more from the city and to experience more of it's flavors but just the thought of security stops me from dreaming about staying there. The city knows everything and that includes the cruelty and the attacks that it faces every now and then. I pray that the place becomes safe to live and free from any such kind of troubles.

Aah!! I miss it!! but,

Hi!! In a month ago's post I had written, things have changed. I meant, I am going to have to leave aarambh. About aarambh (www.aarambhiitkgp.com). There were few reasons... the main not being acedemic one...yeah! But, there was this academic reason too - I wanted to take two additionals and wanted to do a project. This was the open reason. The second one was, which is now easy to tell, I needed a serious change in my lifestyle in kgp!! And I had to take efforts in that. I was adjusted in kgp in a very weird way.... I wanted to be more comfortable in this place to work more efficiently. I had to invest time into that and so, I needed time for myself....dunno if I am able to tell it properly or not...whatever... So, the thing is today I miss it!

I have missed aarambh quite a few days since I left it. But today, one of the members came to me to collect JGW money (it is one of the campaigns... for details visit aarambh site.) and i felt so bad..ouch! Last year, I had done that for our hall. I do have a sense of belonging towards aarambh but, i had no option at that time. I had given a good amount of thought into that decision. I do not regret leaving it at that time and i don't know if i feel like joining it back which is not feasible given current conditions i guess..... but yea, I think I left it in wrong way. I had option to continue by working less than other people but I knew that would not help me. I needed the complete freedom to do whenever and whatever i wanted. Now, that half the semester is done, I am done with my adjusting thing. One of it was writing!! I write on blog without caring who all or none would read it...i don't care. It's just to let my thoughts flow outside and they might happen to help someone someday in any damn little way. I don't share (I mean most of the times) the link anymore!! :D I write for myself! I am really happy at kgp. Making crafty stuff, reading things... its just as I wanted it to be!! I learnt this adjustment stuff from my co-interns at IIT Chennai and it is helping!! I wonder how I failed to see this for two full years!! Thanks!!
Working with aarambh was awesome!! The team was good too. I had tremendous amount of satisfaction in that. It was a new organisation but still I was proud to be a part of something like this. It gave me insight to different ideas people think of and mainly of how one should think of realizing the ideas in their heads! How one can get the other to work or noble cause. How everyone (yes, literally) supports the thing you do although they don't consider doing it themselves. It is very nice to give something back to the society and I owe that opportunity to aarambh. I could do that in my teenage to certain extent!! 

I feel sorry that I had to give it up...but that too was for my good and unfortunately, even thought you don't want to be selfish, there are times when you need to be one and that time, just keep aside the criteria of 'what others think' etc. One thing I learnt from this, may be I could have told them the real 'personal' reason and then had a sort of deal with them... but, I did not find any of them close enough. I will use this in coming things and will have more coordination with co-workers wherever I land up.

Languages... wish there was just one language for all

Hi! 

How you doing? I will like to give some updates before I proceed to what I actually want to write today. Summer vacation is over and its been a month since we came back to kgp. Its all good. Things change and so do we. So, this year is gonna be different, I now know what I want to after graduation and so, it seems comparatively easy. :) Okay... so lets go to the topic!

The Indian census of 1961 recognised 1,652 different languages in India. And world has nearly 6700 languages... most of them spoken only by community of less than 1000! Even if we leave these languages aside, there remain many languages which people have developed, gone deep inside and have expressed their best thoughts and feelings. What is bad in having such a huge number of languages is people miss out on so many damn things!! It feels too sad to see others and yourself miss out like this. I learnt or, say felt it strongly when I was in chennai... Here is the incident -

I was in chennai for internship, and had a Malayali co-intern. She was from kerela and for graduation, staying in chennai which is again full of people knowing her language. She never came across other languages except a bit of english which was only langauge we communicated in. She did not know hindi and of course there was no chance of her knowing my mother tongue - marathi. I din't know hers either. One nice rainy night, I was listening to Kishore Kumar songs, she entered my room. I was smiling thinking nothing but the meaning of that beautiful song! She asked me why was I smilling? I told her that the song completely gave me some kind of feel. She asked about it. I explained her the meaning. She liked it and smiled too! I was kept thinking and felt sad - damn! She is missing all lovely songs by Kishore Kumar, Gulzar, Javed Aktar and many many more who put more meaning to the music. Who made it simple for us to understand lives. She missed out all these nice songs. I couldn't help myself and ended up telling her meaning of nearly 10-12 good Hindi/ Marathi songs. She started wishing she knew hindi and to my surprise, Marathi too! I thought, may be we don't miss out because, every language has such songs and may be they are similar in meaning. I asked her to explain me meaning of some Malayalam song. She did it. That song was beautiful too. I asked for one more. And we continued... 

But, then I realized, every culture is different and so are thoughts of people with different culture. Each language definitely has some unique beauty to express certain feelings which to not give same impact after there best translation too. May be it does not matter much as there are many other things to do in life but, it is all sad!! We do miss out on something. Each language has its own beauty and you can understand it only when you know the language. I felt very strong about things she missed by not knowing hindi and marathi and what all I missed not knowing Malayalam(first time in my life I had such a respect and desire to know some South Indian language) and of course I could sort of imagine how much more we were missing out together not knowing any other language of the world enough to understand it's songs and literature. 

4 Be$T fRieNd$ :-) (you were always there... i am there too)

When needed someone
You where there,
When felt depressed and alone
you made me realise you care;

When I stood alone
You stood along with me,
When needed a company
I always found thee;

When I shared a secret
You always kept it,
when things seemed dark
you did not let me worry even a bit;

When I needed someone
you were always there,
dear friend, just want you to know
i too will always be there... for you. 

They too want it coloured!!

 

                                      Here, I am speaking as a member of Aarambh (www.aarambhiitkgp.com ), IIT Kharagpur and thats because it helped me to get this kind of experience! We had a drawing competition for Children from Deesha Seema School, which is a residential school but hardly has facilities required and the kids need someone to provide them  with stationary and give them opportunity to showcase their talents. They were all fascinated by little things like colours we gave them and pencils as well (!!) ‘coz they got one per person which is rare to happen in their world. They all were eager to put their imagination on paper and the way they did it, made me realize that the imagination is wonderful gift mankind has and although they have lack of many things and limited access to the world, they don’t lack imagination.  They too dream of a large house, sporty car and beautiful backyard for their future!! It was very disturbing to come out of that drawing sheet and realize the reality which tells that very few of them will actually be in sound economic condition in future if their education system and limited access to the world remains same. I felt extremely helpless. All these colourful drawings on paper, which were a direct reflection of their dreams and thoughts, will they be able to colour them actually in LIFE? There was a girl, she knew me because she was in my group for a museum visit which we had for them few days before this competition and was in standard one. The competition was only for class 4^th and above. She was quite till elder kids were drawing, but later when they started colouring, she kept telling me that she too wanted to draw and colour! I tried my best to explain that she was small and we will give her a chance when we come next time. She was in no mood to understand, she told me she cannot wait! She knows that it will take a lot of time and she really feels like using those new colourful crayons!! I could not help giving her a page from notebook (we had limited sheets) and she did not care that her paper was not same as others. In few seconds there was a group of children telling us how they also wanted to draw and colour. It was possible and very easy for us to allow them realize their imagination and dreams on paper but as we all know its not that easy in real life. We need full society to make each one realize his/her dreams. The whole experience told us that they too dream like us. Some dream even bigger than we do!! Yeah! They too want a colourful and happening life! They have not seen the world and have no idea where they stand. We are the ones who know it and as a society, we are the ones who can help it! Help them guys in every way you can. I never went so close to life of needy people…not even kids. Had only heard and just knew. This was first time I could read what they are thinking and this is all I felt. Get into their life and it will make a way better for them.  So, when possible go with all colours you have and fill their colour box….’coz they are capable of and have right to – colour their life!! 

P.S: bahut tempo me and feel ke sath likha hai... so excuse me for grammatical errors.